Si Inday (Full Version)

Dahil sa tindi ng kahirapan sa probinsya,
namasukan si Inday bilang katulong sa Maynila.
Habang ini-interview ng amo.
Amo: Kelangan namin ng katulong para mag ayos ng
bahay, magluto, maglaba, magplantsa, mamalengke,
at magbantay ng mga bata. Kaya mo ba ang lahat ng
ito?

Inday: I believe that my trained skills and
expertise in management with the use of standard
tools, and my discipline and experience will
contribute significantly to the value of the
work that you want, my creativity, productivity
and work-efficiency and the high quality of
outcomes I can offer will boost the work
progress.

Amo: [nosebleed]

Nakaraan ang dalawang araw, umuwi ang amo,
nakitang me bukol si junior.

Amo: Bakit me bukol si junior?

Inday: Compromising safety with useless
aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered
architectural design of our kitchen lavatory
affected the boy's cranium with a slight boil at
the left temple near the auditory organ.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Kinagabihan, habang naghahapunan.

Amo: Bakit maalat ang ulam?

Inday: The consistency was fine. But you see, it
seems that the increased amount of sodium
chloride (NaCl) affected the taste drastically
and those actions are irreversible. I do
apologize.

Amo: [nosebleed na naman]

Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang
nanunuod ng tv?!

Inday: Because I don't want you to see me doing
absolutely nothing.

Donya: [hinimatay]

Kinabukasan, sinamahan ni Inday si junior sa
principal's office dahil di makapunta ang amo at
donya.

Principal: Sinuntok ni junior ang kanyang
kaklase.

Inday: It's absurd! It was never a fact that he
will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you
handle schizophrenic kids on this educational
institution. Revise your policies because they
suck!

Principal: [nag resign]

Pag dating sa bahay, nandun na ang amo, galit na
galit.

Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng
bahay?!

Inday: A change in the weather patterns might
have occurred wrecking havoc to the
surroundings. The way the debris are scattered
indicates that the gust of wind was going
northeast causing damage to the path it was
heading for.

Amo: [nosebleed ulit]

Habang nagluluto si Inday ng hapunan, malikot si
junior.

Inday: Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound
to result in property damages and if that
happens there will be corresponding punishment to
be inflicted upon you!

Junior: [takbo sa CR, punasan ang nagdudugong
ilong]

Pagkatapos magluto, nanood na ng TV si Inday.
Nabalitaan nya umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7.

Junior: Bakit kaya sya umalis?

Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not
because of selfish reasons but because they just
know that things will get worse if they'll stay.
Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when
people can't understand you for doing so.

Junior: [tuloy ang pagdugo ng ilong]

Nung gabing yon, me nag text ke Inday. Si Dodong,
ang driver ng kapitbahay, gusto maki pag
text-mate.

Inday: To forestall further hopes of
acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the
denial of your request - Petition denied.

Di nagla-on, dahil sa tyaga ni Dodong, naging
syota nya rin si Inday. Pero di tumagal ang
kanilang relasyon, at nakipag-break si Inday ke
Dodong.

Inday: The statute restricts me to love you but
you have the provocations. The way you smile is
the proximate cause why I love you. We have some
rules to think of. We have no vested rights to
love each other because the upper household
dismissed my petition!"

Dodong: Perhaps you are mistaken, what you seem
to contrive as any affections for you are
somewhat half-hearted. I was merely attempting
to expand my network of interests by involving
you in my daily recreation. Here to for, you can
expect an end to any verbal articulation from
myself"

Me dumaan na mamang basurero, at narinig ang
usapan ni Inday at Dodong.

Basurero (sabi ke Inday): Be careful in letting
go of the things you thought are just nothing
because maybe someday you'll realize that the one
you gave away is the very thing you've been
wishing for to stay.

Narinig ang lahat ng eto ng amo ni inday

Amo: [nagpakamatay ]
Amo : mula ngayon walang magsasalita ng ingles. Ang sinumang magpapadugo ng ilong ko at sa mga anak ko,palalayasin sa pamamahay na toh klaro bah?

Inday : ang mga namutawi sa inyong mga labi ay mataman ko pong iiimbak sa sulok ng aking balintataw, sa kaibuturan ng aking puso,gugunam gunamin,aariing salik ng aba at payak kong kapatiran.
Tatalikod na ang matayog at palalong banyagang wika, manapay
kakalingain, bibigkasin at sakdal timyas na sasambitin ng aking
sangkalooban.

Funny..

napatawa ako nito ng sobra...

Grabe si Inday, Dodong ska yung basurero haha

Hahhahahahahaa............super tawa..........epistaxis 'to.....hahaha

Nasali si Inday sa Deal or No Deal

Kris: Magandang gabi mga kapamilya, sa gameshow na ito importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang Deal or no Deal. Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday!

[umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Ok Inday, choose a briefcase.

Inday: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please.

Kris: Briefcase # 4… si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4?

Inday: Oh, do you really want to know Kris?

Kris: Oo naman. I’m sure kaya ko naman maintindihan yung sasabihin mo eh.

Inday: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions.

Kris: Syet. tanong tanong pa kasi eh.

---------------------

Kris: Ok Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open.

Inday: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2, 15 and 20.

Kris: Wait lang Inday, usually isa isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case…

Inday: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we’re to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right?

Kris: Hayyy…babaguhin pa talaga mechanics (bulong sa sarili).

Kris: Anwyay, di bale na lang nga… tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie buksan na!!

[Yung audience sumisigaw ng LOWER!! LOWER!!!]

Kris: Teka lang, bago natin buksan… Inday, usually ang mga contestants naten ay sumisigaw ng “LOWER” every time magbubukas ng case.

Inday: Kris, I guess that’s not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add “ER” to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[natahimik ang audience at napaisip]

Kris: Oo nga no!

---------------------


Kris: Sige Natalie, Buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase 7 ay Piso... Palakpakan ang mga tao]

Kris: Good start! Ano yung next case mo ulit?

Inday: Case number 24 please.

Kris: Chloe… buksan na…

[Audience sumisigaw ulit ng LOWER!! LOWER!!]

Kris: Wait lang guys, Inday may nabuksan ng case baket di ka pa rin sumisigaw ng “Lower”?

Inday: Oh my goodness Kris, how long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? Sheesh.

[Napaisip ulit ang audience at natahimik]

Kris: Aarrgghh!!!! Chloe buksan na lang nga, pati na rin yung 12, 2, 15 and 20 buksan na rin para matapos na. [naiirita na]

[At sunod sunod na ngang nabukas ang mga case ni Inday]

[nag-ring ang phone]

Inday: Ahh Kris, to save more time can you tell Banker that I’m not interested in his first offer. In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the banker. It’s quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean come on, isn’t that a waste of airtime?

Banker: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kwarto ni banker]

- Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng mga audience ang boses ni banker sa Deal or no Deal.

---------------------


dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday…

Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo… sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my master Mr. Montemayor.

Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number.

Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I’m a fan. I choose number 22 please.


Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22?

Inday: Whatever, we shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead.

Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na!

[ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000]

Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What’s his name?

Inday: Ahh, that’s my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener.

Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number!

Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it’s ok with you. If not, it’s ok with me as long as it’s ok with you.

Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0?

Inday: Yes Kris, it’s fine with me.

Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn… buksan na!!

…nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga…

Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment!

[nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.]


---------------------


Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday.

Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday… pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha!

Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please?

Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris)


Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay… P3,000,000.

Nanghinayang ang mga audience… Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K.

Inday: NooOoo…. (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you…

Dodong: I’m so sorry Inday, please forgive me.

Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal!

[pagtapos ng commercial break... mukhang composed na ulit si Inday]

Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. ‘Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal?

Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng “No Deal”, ang iba naman ay “Deal”.

Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value…

Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking?

Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik.

Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili)

Inday: Ok, I’m ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker’s offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I’d get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there’s only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker’s offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left.

Kris: Lorddd… panaginip ba ‘to? Ayokonaaa….

Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL!


-------------------------------


Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday…

Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa’yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase!

Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please?


Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight.

Kris: Ok Mimi, buk…

Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right?

Kris: (“kapal naman talaga ng mukha”…bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin)

Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight.

BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya’t binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras.

Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight!

[Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal]

<fin>

nothing extraordinary

nothing too crazy

you make me crazy